A Euphemia Martins Mystery Boxset Vol One Page 32

  Mrs Wilson muttered under her breath and turned away. It might have been ‘Pah!’ or even worse, but I closed my ears. I noticed she walked with a slight limp. She doubtless blamed me for her accident and I tried to find a charitable corner in my heart. I was still searching when Rory came up and offered his hand to me.

  ‘It’s gey good to see you, Euphemia.’

  I took his hand in mine and smiled up at him. Those luminous green eyes were as striking as I remembered and his bright blond hair shone despite the grey clouds overhead. ‘It’s good to see you too, Rory,’ I said. ‘How are Merry and the others?’

  ‘Och, fine. Merry’s been as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs since she heard you were coming. Can’t seem to make up her mind if you’re liable to be friendly or all starched up now you’re a housekeeper.’

  ‘As if!’ I exclaimed hotly. ‘She is my dearest friend.’

  ‘Aye, that’s what I told her,’ said Rory smiling. ‘But you know Merry.’ He paused and looked behind me. ‘Who did you bring with you? Tell me you no brought your cook?’

  I shook my head. ‘Much as I love Mrs Deighton I wouldn’t have dared,’ I said. ‘Most of our staff were local so we sent them home with wages, till the house is fixed. I’ve got Sam, Jenny and Merrit. Sam’s from the local orphanage, a bit of a scamp, but grateful for the chance he’s been given. He’s bootboy at the moment, but he’s bright and he’ll go places. Jenny’s our kitchen-maid. She’s a good girl and a hard worker. Merrit’s our senior footman. He’d be a butler if the place were larger and a London man, so we brought him down too. He’s very eager to learn from you since when Mr Bertram enlarges his household he’ll be in prime position to become butler.’

  ‘You’ve no butler! Euphemia, you’ve been running that man’s staff alone?’

  ‘There’s not that many of them.’

  ‘That’s not the point. You, a young woman, in the middle of nowhere, running a bachelor’s household. It’s unseemly.’

  ‘Oh Rory, please. It’s been a long journey and I’m tired. You know full well that female staff under this roof have far more to worry about than any of Mr Bertram’s ever will.’

  ‘Not while I’m butler!’

  ‘Maybe not, Rory. But you know Mr Bertram is an honourable gentleman.’

  Rory bit his lip. ‘Aye, well. Yer a grown woman and yer life’s your own.’

  ‘Please let’s not fight. I’ve so looked forward to coming home and seeing you all.’

  ‘Aye, well, come away in. Merry and Mrs Deighton have laid out a tea in the kitchen for you and your staff. Mrs Wilson’s furious.’

  The bright, modern kitchen was full of light and glorious baking smells. Mrs Deighton, cap askew, rushed forward. ‘It’s good to have you back, girl!’ She hugged me hard. ‘But you’re all skin and bones. Where’s your cook – I need to have a word with her.’

  ‘In Norfolk,’ I said. ‘Merry, is that you hiding back there?’

  Merry came forward shyly and I hugged her. ‘I’ve missed you all so much.’

  They both beamed at me. ‘Sit down and have a cup of tea,’ said Mrs Deighton, ‘and tell us all about it. Is it true your roof came down?’

  ‘I’ll see to your staff and the luggage,’ said Rory.

  I sipped the very welcome hot brew and settled down to fill in Merry and Mrs Deighton on all the details.

  It was considerably later when Rory came back into the kitchen. ‘Mrs D,’ he said, ‘our other guests will be arriving soon and I need Merry to make a last check of the bedrooms.’

  ‘You have a house party?’ I exclaimed. ‘I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have taken up so much of your time. Mrs Wilson never said a word.’

  ‘She’s up with the Master and Miss Richenda. They’ve still not sorted out between them how long and what exactly this house party is,’ said Mrs Deighton darkly.

  ‘It’s ever so exciting,’ said Merry. ‘Madam Arcana is coming – and Lady Grey.’

  ‘Is it some kind of fancy dress?’ I asked bemused.

  Rory’s grim face broke at that and he laughed out loud. ‘Aye, you might say that. I’m sure Merry can fill you in on the details later. I hate to ask, Euphemia, but with Mrs Wilson closeted upstairs, I could do with a few things checked. Can you come with me?’

  ‘Of course,’ I said rising. Although I was puzzled as to how I could help. Rory knew his job far better than I did and was more than adequate to the task of compiling the most complex seating plan.

  Rory took me into one of the smaller downstairs rooms – one of those sorts of rooms modern architects think look so good on plans, but for which it is difficult to assign a proper use. In the middle of the room the round library table from upstairs had been placed with many seats around the edges. In the very centre of the table was a crystal tumbler and scattered in a semicircle around the table on small cards were the letters A-Z and the words “Yes” and “No”.

  ‘Oh no!’ I cried.

  ‘Aye, I’m not too keen on it myself. There’s some things it’s better not to be messing with, but Miss Richenda has ordered it.’

  ‘Has she lost her mind?’

  Rory gave a wry smile. ‘It’s not for me to comment on Miss Richenda’s mental faculties, but if I were of a mind to do so I’d say that Lady Grey had more to do with this than a belief in ghosties.’

  ‘Lady Grey? Does the house have a ghost? It’s not old enough.’ I frowned. ‘Although it’s seen more than its fair share of death. But I don’t believe in these things, do you?’

  Rory shrugged. ‘My father always reckoned his mother had the sight, but I’m inclined to think this is more a parlour game to them upstairs than a serious effort to contact the dead.’

  ‘What does Lord Stapleford think?’

  ‘He’s into pleasing Miss Richenda at present. He’s hoping that if she’s happy she’ll look more favourably on his friend’s suit.’

  ‘Miss Richenda is getting married? But why would she want that? I thought the will said if she has the first child she gains possession of Stapleford Hall. Of course, I could have the details wrong.’

  ‘Is that right?’ asked Rory a shade more coldly. ‘I’m not as conversant with the affairs of the family as yerself.’

  I blushed. ‘Rory, we need to talk. My taking the appointment at White Orchards was a big mistake.’ I saw his face darkened and added quickly, ‘Oh no, nothing like that. It’s just that Mr Bertram has never run a house before and his, er, impulsive nature makes me think he needs a housekeeper with a little more experience than me.’

  ‘But where would you go?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I sighed. ‘I’d like to come back here or rather go back in time to how things were.’

  ‘Short of Mrs Wilson falling down another lot of stairs, Euphemia, I can’t see that happening.’

  ‘Neither can I,’ I said sadly.

  The door burst open and Miss Richenda sailed in. ‘It’s in here,’ she called over her shoulder. She saw me and stopped short. ‘You,’ she said dramatically.

  ‘I was just leaving, ma’am,’ I said dropping a small curtsy.

  A woman in her middle years and a huge purple turban with scarves trailing around her form like some plump and stunted maypole flowed into the room. ‘But, my dear, you absolutely must not leave. There is an aura about you.’ She turned to Rory. ‘You, on the other hand, must leave at once. You are disturbing the spirits.’

  Rory swallowed, nodded slightly and fled. I thought it most unmanly of him.

  ‘Are you absolutely sure, Madam Arcana? This is a servant of my younger brother who is visiting with us a short while. I don’t think I should trespass on his territory.’ The words were sweet enough but the look she was giving me would have felled a horse.

  Madam Arcana came close enough that I could tell she preferred sweet sherry to dry. ‘Ah, but this one has been touched by death.’

  ‘Marked by death?’ asked Richenda in what I felt was far too hopeful a tone.


  Madam Arcana laughed, a deep fruity sound. Although I thought her profession hideous I could not help but warm to her. I noticed for the first time her eyes were a peculiar but attractive shade of violet. Under the padding she had acquired over the years I could see she must once have been a very beautiful woman. ‘No, no, Richenda. You are too fanciful.’

  I felt this was a bit much coming from a medium. In the distance the doorbell rang.

  ‘I detect that this woman has been around death – two, three, four times!’

  That startled me. The deaths associated with the Staplefords were all too public knowledge, but she had counted my own private bereavement in her total.

  ‘I do know a little of what I speak,’ she said to me with a twinkle. Then she turned to Richenda. ‘You see, the spirits are more comfortable around those who have been nearly involved in the demise of others. They become, if you will, guardians of the gateway.’

  Richenda opened her eyes wide and, instead of decrying this piffle as I would have done in her place, clasped her hands to her chest and said, ‘Oh, Madam Arcana, is that why I am sensitive? Because of Papa?’

  Madam Arcana patted her arm. ‘There, there. I don’t know who told you that, but …’

  The door opened to admit a familiar and most unwelcome figure. In his 30s, but already fleshy and wearing a vulgarly sharp suit, Max Tipton bounced into the room. ‘Hel-looo!’ he cried. ‘Darling, you’re looking sublime.’

  For a moment I thought he was addressing Madam Arcana, but I could hardly have been more surprised when he grasped Miss Richenda’s large and manly hand and pressed it to his lips. Miss Richenda simpered.

  ‘Goodness, Baggy, do try not to be too sickening,’ drawled a very well-bred voice. ‘You’ll put us all off our dinners. Tell him, Richie darling. He is just too, too much.’

  A willowy female made her way into the room – sashayed is more the correct term. She had white blonde hair and was dressed richly and fashionably that gave everyone to understand she came from more money than any of us would ever see.

  ‘Hallo, Beatrice,’ said Madam Arcana with a smile. ‘I see you finally got yourself invited to one of my sessions.’

  Beatrice flounced over to a chair, looked pointedly at Baggy until he scurried over to pull it out for her and then leisurely sat. ‘I’m here in my professional capacity,’ she said.

  ‘You’re surely not expecting us to call you Lady Grey?’ said Baggy. ‘I mean, I respect your profession and all that, but you’re not actually titled, are you?’

  ‘I thought we were all using our professional names tonight. Or was I wrong, Agnes?’ she shot at Madam Arcana.

  The dressing gong sounded. Baggy laughed nervously. ‘Saved by the bell, what?’

  ‘Indeed, I must dress,’ said Beatrice. ‘Where is my room?’ she demanded of me.

  ‘I’m sorry, miss, I don’t know. I will enquire for you.’

  ‘Don’t know! What kind of a ramshackle household do you run, Richie?’

  Miss Richenda was forced to explain who I was and ended by saying, ‘Madam Arcana has requested she be present at the séance tonight.’

  Beatrice shrugged. ‘If she’s one of Bertie’s servants she’s hardly likely to be a plant.’ She turned to give Madam Arcana a toothy smile. ‘I must be on the lookout for anyone else with useful vibes. I’m sensitive myself.’

  ‘You hide it so well,’ answered Madam Arcana.

  At this point I slipped out of the room and went to find someone to install Beatrice in her no doubt woefully inadequate chamber.

  I helped as best I could as the household swung into action. After my long journey I was eager for my bed. Being not officially on staff I intended to head upstairs as soon as I thought Merry and Mrs D no longer needed me. I was therefore somewhat disappointed when Rory came to summon me.

  ‘They want you upstairs at yon spook table,’ he said.

  ‘There’s no need to look so disapproving,’ I answered. ‘I have no desire to attend.’

  ‘Quite an argument about it, I heard, but Madam Arcana was insistent.’

  ‘I’m not on staff.’

  ‘Mr Bertram has endorsed it,’ said Rory.

  ‘What! He’s involved in this charade?’

  ‘The whole family are.’

  ‘They must be mad,’ I said with feeling, but I followed Rory upstairs. He didn’t even come into the room, but ushered me in and closed the door.

  Around the table sat Madam Arcana, Miss Richenda, Beatrice, Lord Stapleford, Mr Bertram, Max Tipton, two ladies I didn’t recognise and Mrs Wilson. My jaw dropped.

  ‘Opposite me, dear,’ said Madam Arcana.

  Mr Bertram and Beatrice shifted their seats to allow me in. They made an unfortunate couple. Mr Bertram looked somewhat sheepish and Beatrice mulish.

  ‘Now we have our two independent sensitives present we can begin,’ said Madam Arcana. ‘If you will all place the index finger of your left hand on the glass in the centre of the table.’

  ‘How bally exciting,’ said Baggy.

  ‘If I can ask for absolute silence? No one must remove their finger from the glass and no one must deliberately move it. I assure you I will know.’

  Madam Arcana raised her face to the ceiling. Her large purple turban slipped dangerously backwards as she enquired in a loud stage whisper of the plaster above her, ‘Is there anybody there?’

  Under my fingertips the glass jerked and began to move.

  1 Please see my journal A Death in the Family for full details

  2 This story is recounted in A Death in the Highlands

  Chapter Two:

  A Spirited Experience

  ‘Good gad!’ barked Mr Bertram.

  My employer’s startled exclamation brought me back to my senses. My father had lamented the foolishness of those using spirit boards, but he had never believed in them. Who should I trust now: the late Rev Joshia Martins or Madam Arcana? The answer was obvious. I lowered my head slightly, so I could appear to be watching the glass while watching the faces of the guests. Indeed no one needed to watch as Beatrice was loudly sounding out the letters. Her face was oddly pale and she was sweating unbecomingly along her top lip. Tiny tendrils of hair curled at her temples. Perhaps a man might have thought it becoming. I found her suspicious.

  ‘H-A-R-R-I-S! Does that mean anything to anyone?’ asked Beatrice.

  Lord Richard shouted with laughter.

  ‘Is he a relative of one present, who has passed over?’ asked Madam Arcana in a soft but carrying whisper.

  ‘It’d be nice to think the bug-blasted man was dead,’ said Lord Richard, whose nose I now realised was ruddy with whisky drinking. ‘But I expect he’s off tormenting some other household.’

  ‘I think, sir, if you have no objection I will retire,’ said Mrs Wilson. ‘With the house at this level of occupation there is much for me to do to ensure yourself and your guests are adequately provided for.’

  ‘Baggy, was that you?’ asked Richenda and then to my surprise she laughed. ‘You are a naughty boy! But such a scream!’

  I looked in astonishment from Richenda to Tipton. Their eyes lingered on each other in a manner that was quite unsuitable so soon after dinner.

  ‘Really,’ said Madam Arcana. ‘I understood this was to be a serious experiment. I am not some kind of circus act!’ She was actually quivering with indignation. Did she believe this nonsense or was she annoyed at someone playing her at her own game? Mr Bertram met my gaze across the table and I could see he was thinking the same thing.

  ‘Perhaps …’ he began.

  ‘Richenda! Control your guests,’ said Beatrice. ‘I too thought this was a proper experiment. And it is so rude to Madam Arcana to cheat.’ She paused. ‘Although I suppose it would make an interesting piece.’

  All the participants went white as the ghosts they were trying to summon at this pronouncement.

  ‘I’ll behave. Word of honour,’ said Baggy. ‘This lark’s all new to me. Just a bit on the
nervous side. High spirited, don’cha know?’ He laughed at his own joke and fingered his collar. ‘Haven’t broken it, have I, Madam A? Give it my full attention now. Word of a gentleman.’

  I wasn’t sure, but I thought Mr Bertram snorted slightly at this last pronouncement, but he may have been clearing his throat. Mrs Deighton had made her version of French chicken this evening and, much as I applaud her cuisine generally, even I had to admit it was unfortunately sticky.

  Madam Arcana, who had half-risen, looked around the table. It might have been my imagination, but it was again Beatrice who appeared to have the most remarkable effect. ‘If Miss Wilton, or should I say Lady Grey, wishes me to continue.’

  ‘Only too eager,’ said Beatrice sweetly.

  ‘If you could all concentrate once more on the glass,’ said Madam Arcana.

  ‘Really, Lord Richard, I don’t believe my presence is necessary,’ said Mrs Wilson.

  ‘Shut up, Wilson,’ said Lord Stapleford.

  Madam Arcana once more raised her eyes to the ceiling, severely endangering her turban. ‘Is there anybody there who wants to speak to anybody here?’

  Nothing happened.

  ‘Is there anybody there?’

  It felt as if we waited an age, but a collective hush had descended and no one appeared to be willing to break it. My left calf cramped, but I didn’t dare move. Somehow as a group we had moved from doubt to expectation. I can only explain it by the lessening of light and encroaching indigestion.

  I was going to have to stretch my leg soon or risk suddenly contorting in agony. If only I was taller and didn’t have such short arms. I was at full stretch reaching out to the glass. Perhaps I could ease …

  The glass jerked under my finger.

  ‘W-H-Y-D-I-D-N-T-Y-O-U-W-A-N-T-M-E-M-U-M-M-Y. Why didn’t you want me, Mummy?’ asked Beatrice looking around the table. ‘Has anyone here lost a child?’